In bored procrastination I tend to flick through a variety of blogs and one thing that tends to be obvious is that the advocacy is a big deal. I guess its not surprising that I have read a variety of blogs about Polyamory and read other people’s thoughts and advice.
I am grateful for the fact that the internet allows me that opportunity to read that, but advice isn’t what I set out to offer. On the other hand I am not interested in hiding my feelings and the fun and challenges my lifestyle brings- does that make me an advocate?
I am able to maintain 2 simultaneous relationships with the knowledge and co-operation not only of the people involved but also our mutual friends and even B’s parents. I am open about our relationships when people ask because I am not cheating on either person and I want people to know that. But I don’t advertise it or go on marches because I am too lazy to explain to most people the intricacies and because some issues are just private.
It is important to M that people know that she is my wife and that I am committed to her – sometimes that includes them knowing I have a relationship with someone else and sometimes it doesn’t. Most of all I won’t let people question my commitment to the woman in my life just because I also have a man. Nor of course is it fair for me to allow people to assume that B is just a fling and that I use him for sex. And I refuse not to offer my point of view if people want to understand more.
Should I do more? Without earlier pioneers on the LGBT scene I wouldn’t be able to walk down the street holding her hand let alone be allowed to wed her. Should I be offering something similar to other people in my position in the future? Should I fight for the ability to marry again? To share parental rights? Do I have the nerve?
For me visibility is the first thing I can do. Within my friendship group several people are in open relationships (which was perhaps my first experience towards poly) and a handful have longer term multiple relationships but if you were to read most media you would think it far more unusual.
So there we go this is my contribution to visibility. This is my life and I live it and I try not to harm others. For good or ill here it is.