Past & Future

Isn’t it funny how as you get older you gain the luxury of younger people reminding you of your past; the things you could have done but didn’t and the things you ought to have done or ought to get around to but probably won’t.

A dear co-worker of mine is finishing their degree (actually 2 are & my sister too – but somehow that’s irrelevant). They are busy contemplating their future – jobs, relationships, choices generally. Some of the things they are thinking about I remember worrying about vividly and some I remember feeling were far too distant and impossible for someone like me.

In terms of the relationship I didn’t take, sometimes I regret not giving it a chance and more often I miss his company -but over all I know I made the right choice for all of us. I wish I knew how to get some of that back without promising what I can’t give. Love you.

In terms of jobs; I guess maybe I feel I am missing something somewhere. Don’t get me wrong I have never really wanted a real job or to have to work for a living – but I do also feel I should contribute my fair share to our households and that perhaps this studenthood is a little childish. I worry, as I did before I even started my degree, who would employ me to do what. I will never quite be good enough to be a lecturer and I’m spoilt for most corporate scenarios – who would be foolish enough to take on the over-educated girl with some management experience and a lot of cockiness?

Paths not travelled etc. I wonder where my journey will go next.

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