Where am I at now?
So, been taking the new drugs for a couple of weeks now; up to 30mgs of Mirtazapine and down to 20 of Fluoxetine and I’m doing ok. Its not great but its ok. I feel relatively stable, anxious and a bit down but alright and perhaps it will get better. I need to believe that and right now I think I can.
I am working hard to work on the positives and accept where I am at on a day-to-day basis. I know that I need to make an effort to appreciate the good things as they happen; but even more importantly that I need to acknowledge the things I do do and accept that I have limitations – that I cannot do everything, physically or mentally, and that some things other people take for granted are a challenge for me but that doesn’t make me less of a person. Its hard to do. Logically it is easy, I understand the principle on the basis I wouldn’t expect other to be better than their own best and yet I cannot ever believe that I have done my best. I was brought up to be competitive and push myself further and I am as held back by my fear of failure as I am by my own limitations and tempted to push myself to exhaustion before admitting that I am struggling especially when it comes to my pain threshold.
So where am I at? What next?
I think the key thing is that I am stable, so can I lift things a little more? Gently, gently does it.