I guess I knew it was coming. W’s mother has had know epileptic seizures since W was a young child – there was always a chance that W would begin to suffer too.
Its hard to tell for sure how or when it started. Between 4 and 2 years ago her mental health deteriorated, anxiety levels sky-rocketed, mood swings and flashes of rage became commonplace and it got so bad I threatened to leave if she didn’t get help. Anti-depressants softened the edges of the ups-and-downs and perhaps saved our marriage but over time I noticed the headaches and memory lapses getting worse and confusion becoming more regular.
Over the last year its got a bit worse: twitching in one hand, funny smells, funny tastes, jumbled words and loss of time. Over time I can only expect it to keep on getting worse without some kind of help.
But what to do? Most seizure medication is only mildly effective and has unpleasant side-effects, I couldn’t even prove to a Dr that W had seizures. We have agreed that I will create memory books to protect our time together and we will keep working on the psychological aspects – all I can offer is to try and keep her safe.
I want to be with her for a long time but I also want to make sure each day is the best we can manage.