Bloody meds, f***ing hormones!
I don’t consider myself to be a raw sexaholic teenage male but neither am I a dried up old maid. I think my sex life is reasonably average – I usually have sex between 3 & 6 times a week, dropping to once or twice if I or my beloveds are miserable or in pain or our social life is oddly frantic and rising 9 or 10 times if we are feeling good. Similarly I consider my sex drive to be fairly average, I think about sex a few times a day, wank regularly and am generally satisfied with the amount of sex I get or else happy to ask for more if desired. Now in my late 20s it seems a fairly comfortable pattern.
So a shift in my desire and performance is odd… and more than odd it is unsettling – more unpleasant in fact than my strangely muted responses.
Loss of libido and anorgasmia are well-known and oft-complained about side effects of a number of anti-depressants; but aside from the first few weeks of prozac I have been largely unaffected. However, for the last few weeks during the tapering off of prozac and the rise in my mirtazapine dosage sex has been off the menu.
Physically -if not emotionally- sex has seemed repulsive (emotionally I crave physical intimacy constantly just as normal). I can to a certain extent relate this to my somewhat feeble self-esteem body image wise and to the fact my hormones aren’t really sure which way is up. In itself this is merely irritating since it is easily ignored in favour of the joyous physical sensations except that orgasms are currently difficult to achieve (even when masturbating!). I will stress this a problem with both my lovers and is not a sudden rush of heterosexuality or monogamy..
But all of this pales into insignificance next to the fact that neither intercourse nor orgasm is reaching the mental and emotional core. Sex is mechanical and unsatisfying no matter how fierce-some the orgasm. I am struggling to find the release and connection I expect from that level of intimacy and its horrendous.
So um yeah bit crotchety right now – think maybe I should have lots of sex until the problem goes away, or else its off to the Dr for me cos appetite changes and sleep problems and random suicidal ideations I can deal with but messin’ with the sex man that’s serious.