I am due a supervisory meeting (which will it seems be by phone on monday) and I am dreading it.
Not because I haven’t done work since our last meeting – quite the opposite, I have done work and I fear it is completely worthless. As we (royal we) move towards the close we are confronted with opinions and, dare I say it, I statements. I will do this.. I have done that.. I have shown.. I have proved.. this thesis is special because.. aaargh. I am really truly putting my scholarship and my findings on the line and exposing my self through my intellectual being and I am worried they aren’t good enough (is it any wonder publishing terrifies me?).
I am also updating and re-writing my literature review, which in itself is a pretty serious scholarly criticism (in the technical rather than purely literal sense – mostly) of existing and established academics. It fills me with horror.
The temptation is to ignore the substance of the work and fiddle with the footnoting and editing or to ‘research’ extra works but no amount of procrastination can save me from the ever impending deadlines and what seems to me to be an insurmountable level of work still to do. L reassures me that, we seem well within bounds of reason and that the bulk of the material is in front of me but still eeeek!!!!!!!
I know that I am fretting about this because the allocation of an external supervisor to one of W’s doctoral students reduced me to tears today as I tried to work out how it had taken me so long to not even have reached that milestone and the basic sense of my own failure. So.. um.. self-esteem issues at all anyone? [on that topic remind me NOT to bitch about my wife’s boss and her inability to be professional or treat my wife as a human being on the grounds that libel is bad for business, so to speak..]
In other news – did you hear about SOPA and PIPA? If not have you in fact been off the internet for the last fortnight?
It stands to reason that I am anti this kind of legislation. I probably could make a cogent argument about the importance and beauty of free speech (as others have eloquently done) but I think instead I’ll point out the bloody obvious – it’d f***ing well fail at its proposed aim on a technical and jurisdictional level as well as forcing certain types of business into rather shady areas or um.. new economic territories.
I know that remembering an IP address is hard work but its not *that* hard work…. Don’t be stupid America, lets think about changing business models rather than driving them away.