What is the longest time you have been without sexual relations whilst in a loving relationship?
How did it feel?Did you feel rejected? relieved? How long would you wait til your level of desire synchronised with someone else’s? At what point is it reasonable to suggest you are incompatible sexually but still love each other?
To be honest I’m not looking for an answer for my life – I’m pretty happy with what I have, and when I’m not I feel in a position to change that. I don’t think there is a formula for happiness in this respect and every couple can work to find something that suits all parties.
But what brings it to mind is a friend’s dilemma. Though not an insatiable creature she craves the intimacy of sex but her husband currently does not. This hasn’t been a constant feature of their relationship [ie they have been at it like the proverbially bunnies at other points in their relationship], although she has previously had sexual and emotional relationships at the same time as her relationship with the man who is now her husband (with his knowledge and consent I hasten to add) she has deliberately reduced such contact since they married in order to focus on their relationship and consider working towards a family. At some point their sex life dwindled and she is left frustrated but unsure how to approach the issue.
So suggestions please – how do you ask for more sexual contact whilst respecting someone’s personal fluctuating sex drive and without pressurising someone who is unkeen or suffering from physical/emotional problems they are not yet ready to share? As a poly relationship how much is it fair/reasonable/uncomfortable/avoiding the issue to simply transfer sexual interest elsewhere?
What suggestions do people have to (re)kindle a fire or to really experience non-sexual intimacy in order to keep a relationship close?