Firstly I need to do 2 things: send drugs back to the pharmacy (I have a collection of psych drugs I haven’t taken and gave up taking for various reasons and quite frankly they represent a ridiculous temptation of idiocy) and donate the bras that don’t fit to bravissimo (apparently this uk store take used and unloved undergarments as charitable gifts and since I got fat and misshapen I have plenty of ill fitting brassieres to donate)
Secondly I really need a kick up the back side. My self esteem is pretty low right now and I really hate myself for feeling like crap and bursting into tears at regular but unexpected intervals. I feel shit for demanding attention and reassurance and as a consequence I am unresponsive and cranky. Its a vicious circle and I want to break out of it but every time I try at the moment I fall back into apologies, self-recriminations and other silliness.
So right now I am just on the right side of the razor blades and desparately avoiding the painkillers every joint in my body is screaming for in fear of overdosing.. Thank fuck forpain relief gels because this weather is absolute agony.
Stupid head. stupid body
So, finally.. plans include exercises, painkillers, cleaning and thesis-writing, oh and stopping crying.