Cheese

Do you know what I’m finding hard about healthy eating?
Aside, of course, from the fear of control issues and the need to maintain sensible self-image.. and the insane cheese cravings that plague everyday of my life.
The problem is my thesis. – That is its ability to induce boredom, frustration and anxiety which lead to pacing, procrastination and sandwich-making (especially of the cheese variety). To stave off the desire to eat, I make coffee. Eventually though the slow years of trying to reduce my caffeine intake leave me with jitters and the desire to kill the jitters with food or booze.
So since being an alcoholic is both expensive and fattening and the thesis isn’t going away just yet I am trying to learn how to snack on lettuce and hoping that my appetite will eventually vanish as the stress gets higher – like during my A-levels, and finals…

I don’t want to be thin, I don’t want to stop enjoying food. I want to get back closer to my pre-antidepressants weight (partially so I can stop being paranoid about my blood pressure and whether they’ll take me off the anti-baby pills) and I want to get back to feeling fit with the hope that maybe I’ll have more energy and my joints will stop playing up. I want to wake up not feeling tired and I want not to spend everyday in pain.

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