A few years ago the wife and I when the wife and I were having a rough patch I decided to start writing her love letters.
Since then I have tried to write her a note for most of the days that we are apart in a big A4 hardback book. I write them in advance so she can pack the book in her luggage – which means trying to think of things to brighten her life and remind her that I am thinking of her sometimes weeks ahead of time. Initially, I wanted to remind her that even if I am with B in her absence she still has an important place in my heart and in my life and now, whilst that remains a meaningful part of my letters, I try to focus on planning our future and building a record of good memories.
Christmas and New Year are probably one of the most difficult times for us to be apart and I look forward to when she and I can really settle into our own family christmases in our own home but til then words will have to do. I hope that even when our separations are fewer and less painful she will keep our book to make her smile and I will be able to hold on to the importance of making that extra effort despite all of the little things that take up our time.
It is that same sentiment that makes me grateful for the evenings we commit to spending with each other, both W & I and B & I and sometimes all three of us. Its too easy to slip into the comfortableness of just being in the same place as each other but that never feels the same as agreeing to spend time with each other, talking, watching tv or cooking together are as good as going out to dinner and a damnsight better than faffing on the computer barely interacting. I think it is important to both of them that I make an effort to give them some time that is theirs and to do it regularly. Without it W would feel like I was only with her for convenience and B would feel like he didn’t matter and was always 2nd in my thoughts and I think I’d go mad without the chance to connect.
Still it’ll be fun to spend christmas on my own recharging my batteries and getting ready for new routines and new challenges.