Old Familiar

The old familiar darkness in my head is definitely making its presence felt at the moment.
I recognise the increased startle reflex and the inability to deal with crowded spaces as the precursors to uncontolled panic. My desire to avoid people and to find quiet, dark spaces is very strong. I have noticed the oddly distorted sleep and dreams as a sign my brain is running on over-time. I feel tired both physically and mentally and I keep slipping into tears. The urge to pick up the blades is stronger than it has been for a long time. The whole set of feelings, the patterns of behaviour and ‘coping’ are annoyingly familiar – a reminder that this beast is only ever dormant and never gone.
Mother’s day doesn’t always hit me this hard but when I am already low it feels overwhelming.
I know this too shall pass.

In other news though…
I am progressing ok with the corrections – I have done a first run through of the external’s comments and am about a third of the way through the internal’s. I’m looking forward to sending it in again.
I also have a new project at the museum.
These are good things.

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