So its June now and that must mean its about time to reassess my goals for the year.
As might be expected I am not wholly pleased…
- Weight – 12 stone or less
Actually this is one area I have started making progress in. W has started a low GI diet and it is helping me drop closer to my target.
- Exercise – 5x brisk 20 min walks/ week; 1x 30 mins swimming/week; 20 sit-ups 6x/week; 5mins shoulder stretches everyday & 5 mins knee stretches everyday
Sigh. Such good intentions- such regular failure. I do manage to walk most days of the week but if I manage one set of sit-ups and one of either knee or shoulder exercises per week I am doing well. I am still failing at swimming
- Mindfulness – restart some meditation practices
- Housework – This will also involve a schedule, scrubbing & hoovering
Um I do housework… but it remains ridiculously disorganised and I still have managed to get back to my 2 house rota
- Conferences & Publication – 2 Conference papers, 2 + articles, monograph proposal…
I have given 1 paper & rewritten it to the extent I let some other people read it. The next paper will be this weekend. I started writing an article but don’t think I have written fast enough to get it in the journal I wanted so may have to do something else with it. Feeling guilty about not having submitted a monograph proposal though
- Job – at least 1 application per month
I have applied for 2 fellowships and 3 other jobs so far this year. Both fellowships were no gos, neither of the office jobs even asked me to interview and I’m not very hopeful about the brewery job either. Sigh.
- Holidays – At least 1 new Munro (with B?) & 1 city-break with W
So far the 3 of us went to Cornwall together and I have a hol in Scotland (with mountains) booked with B. Finding schedule/time to do something positive with W is proving harder
- Irish – Start learning to speak it..
Um occasionally I think I have learnt a new word – but actually I feel guilty about neglecting my greek and latin so am going back to them a bit more often
So To Do list? Where you at?
Well the good news is mainly garden related. Not only are the raised beds filled but the pear and gooseberry have now found permanent homes (and seem to have survived being moved from the allotment and wintered in pots). We have also planted strawberries and early potatoes – which are being reticent about sending up shoots sadly – and are trying a first round of seedlings. Despite the fact our success rate looks lower than 33% we do have some chives and purple-sprouting basil showing their heads and I am trying to work out how long to leave them inside before transferring them to the uncertain world outside.
Trellising, painting and puppy are still waiting to happen, in part its a financial issue, in part it is due to the distraction of fireplace and in part it is inertia. Nonetheless I’m determined to have trellis and paint finished before my parents visit again, if for no other reason than my father thinks its is faintly amusing that I repeat his pattern of building up jobs and then blitzing them in a panic rather than getting stuff done piece by piece.
I will confess to having completely letting the calorie-counting slide. Partly out of sheer laziness with regard to spending 20mins each day trying to work out how much of each individual foodstuff I have consumed and partly the distraction of working on thesis etc. It is perhaps not surprising then that the scales tells me I still weigh 13st 4 – its less than January but its hardly monumental. The issue is of course exercise – I need to do some. I am proving rubbish at fitting it into my daily schedule and even the sunshine is not forcing me out and about on my feet more. Someone throw me some motivation pretty please.
On the other hand as you will have seen I’m doing that counselling thing. Can’t say I feel better for it (every session begins with dread and ends with a knot and the desire to cry) but its good to force myself to think about things differently rather than sliding back into the comfy-but-damaging patterns. I guess it will be back to drugs after this bout of talking but hey ho I’ve known this was long-haul for a while now.
So what next?
Well by the time I reassess my goals next I will have: given my conference paper (which is not yet written eek); spent a few days away with B; done more planting; put up trellis(?) and lost another 4lbs!
So Recap of how my goals are going this year… and the short answer is that so far they aren’t but…
On a day-by-day level, I am getting up before midday more days than not and in bed before 2am everyday. I am still off the anti-depressants and haven’t yet begged my Dr. for more painkillers..It would be fair to say I might not be calm and cheerful but I’m at least in a ‘stable’ state that I know how to deal with.
The scales say I’m 13st 8lbs, I want them to say 11st.
I am re-starting my calorie counting after the holiday break and although I haven’t actually set out a proper exercise regime – the plan is to: walk to work at least once a week, (swim once a fortnight) and work on the mindful movement practice each day I’m writing my thesis
So far I am working on my thesis at least 2 days a week and I want to make it 3. I can’t really sit at the desk for very long at one go both because my shoulder is stiff and sore and because the anxiety gets too much.
No Further Comment Necessary
In other news, soil delivery for raised beds next week and then trellis to go up and seed shopping. After that we are going puppy-hunting!!
Pretty nearly time to start a New Year so it must be time to get on with the process of setting goals for myself.
I am aiming for a combination of physical, mental, emotional and domestic goals and a mix of fixed points and regular targets…Although I know that I am potentially setting myself up for failure and self-criticism, without something to move towards there is no way of knowing if I am making progress.
In no particular order then..
- Lose 1-2 Stone
- Create (and stick-to @ least 4 days a week) a daily exercise routine that incorporates both shoulder physio and some muscle toning (pilates/yoga & weights?)
- Walk at least either 1 Munro or 1 Alpine 4000;
- Write, deliver & publish my conference paper
- Commit to another round of counselling (as booked through Talking Therapies) and/or psychiatrist
- Take 1 week off each with W & B and ideally 1 week with both together
- Get my F***ing sleep pattern under control.
- Make sure my weekly time routine is balanced for all involved
- Actually successfully grow some vegetables…
- Finish the painting
- Celebrate mine & W’s 10th Anniversary
Thats all I can think of for now and I think it will do.
Wish me luck
So I want to lose weight and get a bit more healthy..I need to exercise everyday and watch what I eat.
The goal is to lose 3 stone and get back some muscle tone.
The trick is keeping going.
I can’t afford to buy calorie-counted meals for 2 (or 3) so to work out how much I’m consuming each day I need to weigh up portions – so yeah – me actually weighing food? Is that how this works, I have to manage each and every meal with scales and make a big fuss about eating.? I don’t want to become paranoid and obsessive about eating but it feels inevitable.
As for exercise- well I don’t feel in as much danger of getting paranoid about it – but I really need to find my motivation. Just finding the energy and commitment to add those 20 odd minutes a day seems overwhelming. How do I get myself to DO something even if its just dressing and going for a walk?
Must try harder..
So Joined a group to record my progress and working on recruiting friends to kick my backside. Wish me luck